SYSTEM ANNOUNCEMENT

Crawlers, congratulations.

You have reached Floor 18.

Against all odds, you are still alive.

This is unfortunate for several people who bet against you.

Please remain calm.

Do not attempt to leave.

Do not look directly at the audience.

And under NO circumstances should you ask why six familiar faces are peeking out of the walls.

WELCOME TO DUNGEON CRAWLER CARL DROP THREE: FLOOR 18 — THE AUDIENCE IS WATCHING!

The audience has been watching your every move.

They’ve watched you fight.

They’ve watched you bleed.

They’ve watched you make decisions so spectacularly stupid that entire planetary civilizations have requested access to the replay footage.

And now?

They want MERCHANDISE.

Of course they fucking do.

NEW ACHIEVEMENT!

PERSONAL SPACE IS A PRIVILEGE, NOT A RIGHT.

Six familiar faces have decided that merely existing in the dungeon is no longer sufficient.

They would now like to observe your activities from your clothing, bags, pockets, and other personal belongings.

Introducing SIX new chibi peekers: Princess Donut, Samantha, Mongo, Pony, Elle, Zev

These delightful little creepers are perfect for peeking out of hoodie pockets, bags, notebooks, and anything else that could benefit from being silently judged.

Except Samantha.

Samantha will not judge you silently.

Samantha has opinions.

Samantha has threats.

Samantha would like to speak to your mother.

IMPORTANT SYSTEM CLARIFICATION:

The hoodies and bags pictured are examples of how the embroidery designs can be used.

Purchasing a digital embroidery pattern will NOT cause a fully assembled hoodie to spontaneously materialize in your sewing room.

The AI is frankly embarrassed that this needs to be explained.

ADDITIONAL LOOT UNLOCKED!

FLOOR 18 BOOKMARKS!

Because after eighteen floors of psychological trauma, intergalactic exploitation, and increasingly creative murder, you’ve probably forgotten what page you’re on.

We’ve got a Floor 18 bookmark to help you keep your place.

We’ve also got a bookmark encouraging you to READ.

A noble pursuit.

Especially considering what happens to people who don’t read the instructions.

NEW ACHIEVEMENT!

CORPORATE BRAND LOYALTY!

The dungeon’s marketing department has discovered something extraordinary.

You people will put absolutely ANYTHING on a keychain.

And so we’ve unleashed a fresh collection of colorful fob and patch designs celebrating the dungeon’s most beloved and deeply questionable institutions.

HI ZEV!

HI DONUT!

CRAWLER BISCUITS!

SAFE ROOM!

DESPERADO CLUB!

And more!

Nothing says “I am a well-adjusted adult” quite like proudly displaying merchandise from a televised death dungeon.

The AI supports this behavior.

The AI has also forwarded your purchasing history to the appropriate psychological research department.

AND NOW… ART.

PONY IN THE SCREAM.

Somewhere along the way, a certain goat experienced an emotion so powerful that ordinary screaming was no longer sufficient.

He required fine art.

The result is a masterpiece of existential horror.

Or possibly just an accurate depiction of what happens when someone tells Pony to calm down.

Either way, it’s suitable for framing.

Unlike most of your decisions.

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

The audience has also been provided with an assortment of collectible patches, character-themed designs, and other dungeon-approved accessories.

Because surviving the apocalypse is one thing.

But surviving it without coordinating merchandise?

Unthinkable.

NEW ACHIEVEMENT!

THE AUDIENCE LIKES YOU.

Against all probability, the viewers have become emotionally invested in your continued survival.

They have purchased merchandise.

They have formed discussion groups.

They have developed strong opinions about which characters deserve more screen time.

Several are now yelling at the designer because their favorite crawler has not yet been immortalized in thread.

Reward?

A brand-new collection of machine embroidery designs celebrating the most dysfunctional entertainment franchise in the galaxy.

Please remember that all patterns are digital downloads.

No actual crawlers, cats, goats, dinosaurs, or hoodies will be shipped.

FLOOR 18 COMPLETE.

You read the books.

You survived the boss battle.

You entertained the audience.

You bought the merchandise.

And now…

It’s time to meet the reinforcements.

CHARACTER SELECTION BEGINS NEXT.

Try not to get attached.

Hahahahahaha.

Oh, who am I kidding?

You’re already attached.

You poor, magnificent idiots.