Because I’m trying to get this all up and running, rather than be on the spot, I’m going to crib from that time I was “Internet Famous.” 

Original Post Date: April 13, 2020

Facebook “Likes”: 14K

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(The start of the Corona Pandemic & I was just over it) 

Hey, y’all –

I don’t know who needs to hear this but if you DO NOT SEW and you have hit up a Stitch Bitch for a mask … 

1. 1/4″ elastic has now become Unobtainium. You’re going to have to settle for ties or hair elastic or some other “make do”

2. Bias tape takes forever and a fuck to do by hand AND you get to give yourself at least 10 2nd degree burns – 1 for every finger and 2 left over because we’re so tired we actually FORGET THE IRON IS HOT.

3. FABRIC STORES ARE CLOSED! You get the colors/patterns we have in stock. Now, since by nature, we hoard fabric like dragons hoard gold, there is generally a decent selection BUT if you are wanting Lisa Frank Unicorn print or aubergine houndstooth, well, suck it up. This is what we have and NO ONE is going to weave you a custom fabric right now.

4. Most of the solid fabrics are gone. Sorry. SOME are ordering flat sheets from a big box store and cutting THAT down to make yardage but your choices are pretty much white, cream, brown, 2 shades of blue, or grey. Black sold out long ago. Also, since it is not deemed essential, delivery is like 2-3 weeks. 

5. DO NOT BITCH ABOUT COST. Fabric is NOT cheap. Seriously, like low end $8 a yard, high end $24 a yard. It takes a GOOD sewciopath 25 minutes to make one mask. $7-$10 is not even MINIMUM WAGE for a mask and materials. 

6. DO NOT BITCH ABOUT DELIVERY TIME. You have NO idea how long it takes to make 50 masks, 100 masks, 400 masks, and that is what the requests are looking like because for every one person you know who sews, 500 do not sew and want not just 1 mask but 2-4 masks for everyone in their household. STFU and get in line – we are NOT industrial machines; we’re human beings doing all the same life stuff YOU ARE and trying to mass produce freaking face masks. 

7. All y’all thought is was so funny to snicker at the hobby sewists – the ones who learned from previous generations of women and kept the skill ALIVE. “Oh how quaint,” “You know you can buy it cheaper,” “Aren’t you a feminist? Isn’t this like ‘woman’s work’ to keep you tied to the home or something?” I think some of you need to step up with an apology or two. 

Remember that meme last year about how if you don’t have crafters and seamstresses on your Zombie Apocalypse team, you’re running around fighting monsters naked? 

You thought we were joking, didn’t ya?