‘Twas the drop before December, when all through the internet

Not an idea was stirring, not even a meme;

The patterns were loaded on the website with care,

In hopes that some customers soon would be there;

The designers were nestled all snug in their groups;

While visions of revenue danced in their heads;

And the mods in their ‘kerchiefs, and I in my cap

Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,

When out on the group there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my recliner to see what was the matter.

Away to the laptop I flew like a flash,

Tore open the browser and threw up the chat.

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

But ten new split designs and a passel of adult merit badges,

With a bit of creativity so sarcastic and snark,

I knew in a moment it must be STFA!

More sarcastic than Deadpool her patterns they came,

And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

“Now, Deadpool! now, Deathly Hallows! now Platform and Gwen!

On, Miles! on, Spidey! on, Tolkien and Sushi Roll!

To the top of the fan group! to the top of the website!

Now drop away! drop away! drop away all!”

As fucks that before the wild conflagration blew,

When they meet with an obstacle, and muttered “It’s fine”;

So up to the website the patterns they loaded

With a basket full of goodies, and bun covers too—

And then, in a twinkling, I heard in the group

The laughing and guffawing of each Stringer.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the internet STFA came with a bound.

As usual dressed all in snark, from the fobs to the splits,

And the patterns were all full of joy, fun and wits;

A bundle of patterns I’d loaded on the website,

And I looked like a nightmare, simply affright.

My eyes—how they glazed! My wrinkles, how dreary!

My bones how they ache, my whole body’s weary!

My droll little mouth was drawn up in a smirk,

As I quipped “Let’s see how they like this week’s work”;

The split patterns were arranged with care

Right next to the things for your hair.

Snap tabs, patches, full fills, whatever you can see;

Heroes, barnyard animals, Sharon & Shanky,

Taking all these pics and loading zips is making me cranky.

I’m surly, sarcastic, a right caustic bitch.

After all this work, I better get rich.

So now a flick of the switch,

And a prayer there’s no glitch;

The drop will go live, and social media will flood

With posts asking “Ya want some embroidery, bud?”

And setting my fears aside,

I dearly hope you decide

That despite all my convoluted riddles,

You’ll drop a buck so I can buy my beer & skittles.

Then you’ll hear me exclaim, as I log off the website — 

“Happy drop day to all and thanks for getting me drunk tonight!”