The Witty, Brutal, and Hilarious Takes of High School History Students

Teaching high school history isn’t just about dates and facts—it’s about the sheer brilliance (and occasional brutality) of teenage minds. From ‘boxes of gravy on legs’ to mercantilism explained through They Might Be Giants, here’s what happens when kids absolutely nail the content… in the most unexpected ways.

 

May 20, 2010
Best line from a final exam essay so far:

“When comparing the Spartan Army and the Athenian Army: ‘The Athenian Army is so weak, they’re like a box of gravy on legs.’”

Trying not to die laugh while proctoring is proving really, really difficult.

 

October 21, 2010
Notebook check this week. Found a gem in a student’s note summary that cracked me up:

“The church were buttheads and shouldn’t have been so selfish. I kinda think indulgences are funny, and the Black Plague massively sucked. Glad I’m not a serf!”

Sometimes, history really speaks for itself.

 

January 5, 2011,

Student-created slogans for the causes of the French Revolution:

• “If you love Jesus and France, give us the money in your pants.”
• “Let’s be greedy, tax the needy.”
• “Give us bread or we’ll take your head.”

They’re brutal, they’re accurate, and they’re hilarious.

Kids – they crack me up.

 

March 5, 2011

I used to believe that children hadn’t been in society long enough to have a fine patina of social varnish and some of the things they said were brutal but pure. Now I suspect they might just be budding sociopaths.

Case in point: While discussing a picture of trench soldiers firing over their dead, I asked, “Why leave the bodies there?”

Here were the answers:

• “So someone can go through their pockets later and get their stuff.”
• “In case they run out of food, they can eat the bodies.”

Yep. Definitely sociopaths.

 

November 15, 2011

This last test included a free response question on mercantilism and a positive balance of trade. I know not everyone is familiar with 16th–18th-century European economics, so here’s a quick summary:

Mercantilism was the idea that the country with the most gold was the superior nation. To achieve this, nations sought positive balances of trade: exporting more than they imported and receiving gold to make up the difference.

The test question was:
“Explain a positive balance of trade using specific examples AND the relationship of a country’s balance of trade to the concept of mercantilism.”

Here’s the best answer:

“A positive balance of trade is when a country trades more goods than they get, so they get gold in the process as well. For example, say I have 30 copies of a They Might Be Giants album, and you have 30 copies of a Blondie album. If we both trade 30 TMBG and 30 Blondie albums, you’ll owe me $300 in gold, as TMBG is clearly far superior to Blondie in every way. My balance of trade is positive because I’m receiving money, while yours is negative because you are giving it away and making another country richer.”

Sometimes, brilliance comes in unexpected forms.

 

Final Thought:

Teaching history often feels like a mix of comedy, philosophy, and the occasional existential crisis. Students bring a unique perspective that’s as hilarious as it is unfiltered. Sure, their answers might make you question their sanity—or your own—but they also showcase creativity, critical thinking, and an ability to connect with the material in ways that are uniquely theirs. It’s these moments of humor and insight that remind me why I love this job, sociopaths and all.

 

 

1. Teachers: What’s the funniest or most unexpected answer you’ve ever gotten on a test or assignment?
2. History buffs: If you had to create a slogan for a major historical event, what would it be?
3. Everyone: When was the last time someone’s hilariously unconventional take on something left you speechless?